Insecurity is Like a Disease
Once you get it, it's hard to get rid of it. I've been insecure for quite a while. Ever since I was 10. I'm 13 now and all my insecurities have done nothing but gotten worse. I'm not just insecure about one thing or two things, I'm insecure with EVERYTHING about me literally everything. How I look, how my body is shaped, how I walk, how I talk, how I smell, how others view me, EVERYTHING. It's everyday, most days I'm really sad. It's taken over my life. 🤦🏽♀️ I wish there was an escape, but I don't think there is. 🤷🏽♀️ I'm mostly insecure about the way I look. I hate how my face looks. I'm always seconding guessing myself, I always call myself ugly. If you put a mirror in front of me I'd probably just be staring at my reflection just looking at myself pointing out all my insecurities. I could stay in front of a mirror just looking back at myself for the longest. All of my friends tell me I'm so beautiful and that I'm one of the prettiest girls in our school but it's hard to believe. Sometimes I feel like there just telling me that because they're my friends and they have to be nice to me! I try to believe them but, that's hard too. It's not just my friends, almost every time I'm on my way home there's this group of boys that go to the high school that's right in front of my house. They stand there just talking and whenever I walk pass, they're always cat calling or making noises at me. "Hey beautiful come over here" or "yo ma your mad pretty. Let me marry you" and I used to get offended but now I don't even care anymore. I usually just smile and say thank you. I just wish I could see what everybody else sees. My Bestfriend hates it when I call myself ugly, I don't know what she sees. 🤷🏽♀️ I don't want to be this way, I wish I wasn't. I just want to be happy with myself to the point where I don't have to second guess everything I do. When my beautiful friends call themselves ugly, I'm always telling them they're not and I give them advice so they could stop being insecure but what's funny is that I can't give myself my own advice. Another thing I'm insecure about is body especially with the expectations everyone has on girls. As a girl, I don't want to be perfect because I know nobody is, I just want to be happy. I don't want to be like this, but oh well. Everyone says "it'll get better".. My question is when? I feel like it's not going to get any better, because it hasn't yet! It probably never will.
-A GWK work in progress..